Don’t change your mind when you have made your mind.
I mean any decision that you have made must be throughout a very tight and meticulous consideration.
The decision might come from endless thought and groundless feeling. You could felt disconsolate and have a stifling feeling when think about it. Well, being able to feel pain was good. It’s when you can’t even feel any pain anymore that you’re in real trouble.
At one side, you might thought that everything has boundaries. The same holds true with thought. You shouldn’t fear boundaries, but you also should not be afraid of destroying them. That’s what is more important if you want to be free: respect for and exasperation with boundaries.
As we go through life, we gradually discover who we are, but the more we discover, the more we lose ourselves. You finally found out that people do change. And no matter how close you are once were, and how much you opened up to each other, maybe neither of you knew anything substantial about the other.
At the other side, you thought that one heart is not connected to another through harmony alone. They are, instead, linked deeply through their wounds. Pain linked to pain, fragility to fragility. There is no silence without a cry of grief, no forgiveness without bloodshed, no acceptance without a passage through acute loss. That is what lies at the root of true harmony.
But the the human heart is like a night bird. Silently waiting for something, and when the time comes, it flies straight toward it. You can hide the memories, but you can’t erase the history that produced them.
That’s why, you can’t meet the person who means so much to you. If you find some defect, you can adjust it later, as needed. No guarantee that people would correctly understand or appreciate what you have been through, but why must the workings of people’s lives be so convoluted?
These are all kinds of things we have to deal with in life. And one thing always seems to connect with another. You try to solve one problem, only to find that another one you hadn’t anticipated arises instead. It’s not that easy to get free of them. But that doesn’t mean you should leave them hanging, unresolved.
After all, we truly believed in something back then, and we knew we were the kind of people capable of believing in something with all our hearts. And that kind of hope will never simply vanish.
The hope, the same hope that might spur your suspicion about the impact of your decision, will be your strength. But at the end, don’t change your mind. Save your time and energy to do something in purpose –for future.
#extract from Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki by Haruki Murakami